Tag Archives: clarity

If you bring it to the party, we can open the kimono … but look out for the low-hanging fruit!



Yuck. Yuck. And thrice yuck!

Business speak, sometimes called management speak. It’s got so ridiculous now that it doesn’t just obscure, it’s incomprehensible. Even to those who use it. But in true ‘Emperors New Clothes’ style, they can hardly open their mouths to say so can they? Poor lambs.

There are loads of great websites on the subject. I’ll give the links at the end. For now I’ll just expose some that drive me up the wall (only a few or I’d be writing for the rest of the year). And mention others that are new to me and that take my breath away. The only possible advantage to these expressions is that they give me, and people like me, plenty of material for our posts and rants.

Let’s start with the headline above ….

Bring to the party – so it’s a party now is it?

Open the kimono – a new one to me. Absolutely creepy, not to say pornographic. I think it ‘s supposed to mean show or reveal. So why not say so.

Low hanging fruit – quick win. Easy pickings?

Going forward – I absolutely hate this. I shout at the radio every single time I hear it. Of course you are going forward, unless you’ll admit to going sideways or backwards and no one in business will ever admit to that.

Drill down – You’re planting seeds are you? Or maybe you are doing some DIY. In any case you’re hardly going to be drilling up! What’s wrong with ‘explore’ or ‘analyse’.

Deliver – please not, unless you are the Royal Mail or UPS. Complete, fulfill, do? As to deliverables – don’t get me started.

Wrongside the demographic – yet another one I haven’t come across before. I know what ‘demographic’ means. I know what ‘wrong’ means and ‘side’. Put them all together and I may as well be talking to a Martian.

In this space – well, speaking of Martians, where did you think we were? Mars, Jupiter – most likely up Uranus.

Stakeholders – I can’t help but visualise vampires whenever I hear this expression.

Sunset – a new one on me.  It means to cancel or kill a project. Apparently. Oh my sainted aunt. To make it even worse, it’s turned yet another innocent noun into a verb. Top marks for euphemism though!

Forward planning – er, planning? You don’t plan backwards. Well I don’t, anyway.

Best of Breed Cloud Burst – I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and I doubt you do either.

There are many others who, like me, are driven nuts by management and business speak. I am indebted to them for discovering some of the expressions above, others are my own pet hates.  Here are some links:-

The Guardian, The Office Life, Forbes, Weasel Words, The Bollocksphere , The Hoopla

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