“One always looks neat in a hat made of meat.”

Mark Twain may have had a point but it’s not just hats they’re making out of meat nowadays.  And as for vegetables -

Fashion has always gone to extremes. Lady Gaga may be the latest exponent of edible fashion, but she’s not unique. She has plenty of competition, some from fellow musicians. The cover of the Beatles Yesterday and Today album featured raw meat as well as baby dolls with decapitated heads. The Fab Four weren’t actually wearing the flesh but there are plenty who are, and loads of Internet sites to prove it.

Among the garments on offer are the bacon bra and the bacon bikini. Lie in the sun a while     and there’s no need to cook breakfast. The ‘Hats of Meat’ website has a section devoted entirely to pictures sent in by aficionados. Among them an American Indian headdress composed of sausages and bacon, hamburger earmuffs, kebab dreadlocks – even an entire cooked turkey.

Carnivores haven’t got it all their own way.  You’ll find clothes made from lettuce, artichokes, chilies, fruit, licorice and, would you believe it, skimmed milk! Designer Casey Larkin even found a way to do that – with a Prom dress! If you can eat it, or drink it, someone’s bound to have made a dress from it.  Or a hat, a handbag, a belt or shoes. PETA, the animal rights organization, have used greens in their vegetarian media campaigns. As an alternative to the bacon bra, the lettuce bikini doubles as a salad provided you stay out of the sun, which rather defeats its purpose.  Let it wilt, however, and you might end up a tad embarrassed.  Unless you’re a naturist as well as a vegetarian

For chocoholics, there’s a veritable feast. One site even has models dressed in Bond-girl style holding chocolate machine guns.  Decorative, perhaps, but about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. The Lindor dress, on the other hand, has the advantage. The chocolates are wrapped which will at least prevent them sticking to your skin.  The disadvantage? The dress contains over 79,000 calories. Get too carried away and it might not fit you for very long.

Of course you’ll want to accessorize. Fancy a Louis Vuitton bag?  Or one of Gucci’s creations? An American bakery is making copies – in cake.  Unfortunately they don’t come cheap. At around $6,000 for the Vuitton you might be better off buying the original. Even designer Nancy Wu’s Chanel bag, composed of 100% beef jerky, will set you back a bit. There’s plenty of footwear to choose from too. Like Olle Hemmerdorff’s hamburger shoe for Nike? Or just use your loaf.  A Lithuanian designer team has come up with edible, wearable shoes created from bread. Every pair is unique and comes with a handpicked cardboard box.

When Parisian chef Valentyn Shtefano popped the question, he showed his love in a special way – he baked the wedding dress. No, not a meringue – a cream puff. 1500 cream puffs to be exact and even the necklace and crown were edible. It’s not every groom who can tell his bride she looks good enough to eat.  And mean it.  Literally.

© Clodagh Phelan  – 19/09/10

This article first appeared on the Eat Me Magazine website


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